Dear Hazel
by Eyesuhkattspeleeng
Summary: Lily Evans had a secret. It’s her son’s girlfriend, Liz, who figures it out. How far spread is Lily’s secret anyway? How could it possibly have any effect on Harry who wasn’t even thought of? Liz knows. Liz knows more than she ever wanted to. SS/LE HP/OC
1. Elizabeth Meet Lily

**Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to the Harry Potter series, as such I am not making any money off of writing this. I'm doing it for the pure pleasure of writing. The plot belongs to me as does Liz and any one else you do not recognize, but the rest belongs to J.K. Rowling. **

_**Before we begin, I'd like to thank Ashes Falling for reading this for me and giving me her honest opinion. I should tell you right now that this story is AU. It also contains sensitive subject matter as well. It's not sexually graphic or anything, but I'm warning you here and now that some of this may make you uncomfortable. I'm still not sure if I should make this one story or split it up into two stories. It was only supposed to be a one-shot but it developed into more (Hence the reason it moves very fast). Not exactly sure how long it's going to actually be, as I am still writing it, but it should not pass the ten chapter mark. **_

**Chapter 1: Elizabeth Meet Lily**

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Elizabeth Stroud watched amused, as her boyfriend struggled through the front door with a large box in his arms. She sipped her tea and watched with one eyebrow cocked as he sat the box down in front of her on the table. Apparently, it was heavy. Harry was breathing quite hard and was red in the face.

"New exercise plan?" She asked, hiding her smile behind her tea cup. Harry turned to her, puffing and glared.

"You could have helped me, Liz," he said. But as annoyed as he was with her, he still bent down and gave her a quick peck on the cheek. He slid into the chair beside her and closed his eyes, running his hands through his untidy black hair as he groaned. "This is a bleeding nightmare."

"Better than what I got for my twenty -first birthday. My grandmother died that day. We all felt awful about it." Liz was standing now, fixing Harry a glass of ice water. She handed it to him and he gulped from it noisily. Liz scrunched her nose as a stream of water leaked down his chin and onto his shirt. He sighed loudly as he sat the glass down. "If I had known Mum had been such a bookworm I would have taken more than one box."

A few weeks prior, on his birthday, Harry had received a letter by owl. He and Liz were in the middle of celebrating his twenty- first birthday when the owl had flown in and dropped the letter in the middle of the manicotti dish that Liz had baked especially for him. Liz was annoyed of course, they hadn't even dug into it yet but even she was a bit curious as Harry cleaned the envelop with his wand only to find that his name was printed on the front of it in large official looking letters. Liz watched as he broke the Ministry seal and poured over the contents, his eyebrows furrowing deeper and deeper together as he read on.

As it turned out the house in Godric's Hollow, the one where his parents had died had been left to him. The owner of the estate had died and left the estate to Harry, as sort of a last tribute to that fateful night when Harry became a marked person. The past three weeks had been spent at the house, cleaning it, fixing it up, and clearing out old junk. No one had touched a thing since they removed Harry and his parents' bodies. Harry came home every day always with a box filled with his parent's belongings. Every night, after supper, they sorted through it together deciding what would be kept and what would be given away or sold. There were a couple of antique lamps that had been sold off for a healthy amount along with a few portraits that had belonged to the family who owned it. Since the last person in that family had died, Harry donated a few of them to a few magical museums around London.

Harry planned to sell the house once it was fixed up, hoping that once it was done, he'd be able to shed the last piece of the "Boy-Who-Lived" identity. Liz thought it was a futile attempt but didn't dare say anything to him about it. He had a stubborn mind set something Liz loved and hated about him at the same time. He'd even taken two months from his job at the Ministry to work full time on the project. Most of his days were spent at the house, meeting with contractors to help remodel the place but for the most part, he did most of the work by himself. Liz had offered to help him several times but he always refused. It hurt her in a way. He was denying her the chance to see that part of him, the part of him that he always managed to hide from her. They'd been together for two and a half years and had lived with each other for nearly a year now, but he still refused to tell her what it had been like for him. Liz knew it couldn't have been easy for him being he did save the wizarding world twice. Being like that made Liz feel emotionally detached from him some times. It was like he was trying to stuff that part of his life in a chest and locking it up, where no one would ever be able to see.

"I was just thinking to myself that I needed something new to read," Liz said as she withdrew a dusty lavender leather bound book from the box. With her hand she wiped dust and cobwebs off of the cover. Oddly enough, there was no title. She flipped it open, surprised to find that the pages were filled with hand print. It took her a moment to register the fact that it was a diary and another moment to realize that each page had been signed by a "Lily". Liz's breath caught in her throat. She was looking at the diary of a dead woman, a woman she'd wondered so much about. "Harry," Liz whispered. "Look at this."

Harry leaned over and glanced at the diary. A deep frown began to form on his face as he realized what he was seeing. Liz was scared for a moment that he'd get angry and snatch it from her. Liz flipped to the front cover and read the inscription in the corner. The handwriting was different from the one scribbled into the diary it's self. It read, _"To my Lilybug: Write in me when you want to flee-When you feel alone you will see, in my heart you'll always be." _It was not signed by any one which only left Liz wanting. The prospect of getting into the mind of Lily Potter, her boyfriend's mother, was too much for Liz. She wanted to read it, she had to read it but she wasn't sure Harry would approve of it.

"Can I?" Liz said carefully. Harry said nothing for a moment but after a few moments he slowly nodded his head. Liz flipped to the very first page and began to read.

_Dear Hazel,_

_Actually, I don't know why I call you Hazel. I guess it's because it's my great grandmother's name. She died before I was born but I am told that I look an awful lot like her. Sometimes I imagine that she's my guardian angel and some times I can even see her, she looks just like me, but much more pretty, and she's always watching out for me. _

_The thing is, I've had you for more than three years and I don't even know why I'm writing in you now. I'm not a diary sort of person, really, but Dad seemed to think I'd like it. I didn't have the heart to tell him that I didn't like it, but he's dreadfully ill. He might not make it through the summer. I figured I'd better get a use out of you. I owe him at least that much. _

_I guess that's why I chose to write in you now. Mum and Dad just came back from the doctor. Dad went straight to bed and Mum sat in the kitchen and had herself a good cry. I don't want him to die, Hazel. I can't bear the thought of that happening to him. He's supposed to live for ever. I know that sounds stupid and maybe childish but he's my strong Daddy, the one who used to hoist me over his shoulder and spin me round and round until I couldn't see straight. It's heart breaking to see him so weak. He's not who he was any more. I know Mum will be a wreck once it happens so I only pray that he goes peacefully and that we all have time to prepare. Some how though, I don't think it will be that easy. _

_Petunia is around less and less these days. She's got some boyfriend, Vernon or something. I don't suppose he's all that bad. He really does seem to care for her a lot but he's a pompous jerk and I've never really liked him. He came over for dinner once, all dressed up in a suit and tie. He looked really uncomfortable as his jacket was a bit too small for him. A bit? Hah! I could see his fat rolls trying to break loose. It sort of made me lose my appetite and I kept wondering why he didn't just take the silly thing off. I think it was because it was stuck on him and he would have had to cut it off. He rather ignored me and Mum all together, trying to impress Dad. Petunia just kept staring at him from across the table with a silly grin on her face. Dad seemed to like him enough. I think he got a kick out of making Vernon squirm. I think Petunia caught on because she kept being snippy with us all but after she walked him out she came back with the same sloppy grin on her face. She's in love I guess. As long as she's happy I guess he's alright. _

_Hang on, Mum is calling me to dinner. I'll write more later. _

Liz looked up at Harry who was staring blankly ahead out of the kitchen window, his eyes glazed over behind his glasses. Liz silently closed the diary and sat it upon the table, not sure what to say to Harry. It couldn't be easy on him, she knew, but she was sure he'd be thrilled to read it.

"Harry, are you alright?"

Harry looked up at her, staring as though he were confused for a moment. But then his green eyes softened and he smiled faintly and patted her hand.

"I'm fine, "he said. He stood and stretched, yawning, though Liz knew it was a false yawn. "It's been quite a day. I'm going to go have a lie down before supper." Liz nodded, not taking her eyes off of the lavender diary. Part of her was glad that he was going to go else where, so she could read with out feeling guilty, or with out having to look up at Harry every other sentence. Harry reached down and gave her a soft kiss on the lips and then strode out of the room. Liz sighed; it never got easier with him. Of course, when they first got together she knew it would be hard but she didn't know how far it went. She was dying for a look into his life, the part that he refused to show her, and she was glad he wasn't objecting rudely to reading his mother's diary. Perhaps he knew of her inner struggles. Perhaps that's why he hadn't made a big fuss. But she had a feeling that even he didn't know.

Liz decided that she probably ought to start on supper. The diary could wait. Part of her didn't really want to read it any way. It seemed so personal, like she was an intruder. But as the chicken baked in the oven, Liz couldn't help her self. She found herself opening the diary once more, letting herself into Lily Potter's brain. It was nice almost to forget about her own problems by reading some one else's.

_Hazel,_

_You missed quite a show at dinner tonight. Tuney and Mum got into it at the table. Dad hadn't come to the table, apparently he still wasn't feeling well enough. It was tense at dinner. We sat there quietly eating, the three of us, probably wondering the same thing: When will things be normal again? I could tell Tuney was seething, though I wasn't quite sure why. All the while she was eating, I could see her growing tense and every time she got a drink, she practically slammed her glass down on the table. It made Mum jump a couple of times but I just sat there and stared at my plate, wondering what the doctor had told them. Finally Mum said, "So, Lily, have you got your school list yet? It's nearly September and I can't wait to go back to that cute little tea shop in Diagon Alley and I know Dad wants to go to that pet shop. Devon and his pets, honestly, I think if we have to cram another frog into that tank, we're going to have the French knocking on our door." _

"_Yeah," I told her. I looked up at her to see that she had this fake little smile plastered across her face. By the look of her eyes, such a smile seemed excruciatingly painful. "We could go tomorrow, if you want." Not that I am looking forward to it. Usually we take Severus with us but since last June…well, I highly doubt it. Such a shame too. Dad really likes Sev for some reason though I think Dad makes him uncomfortable. I thought it was a good thing though. Sev really needs a father because his is too busy moping around to give Sev what he really needs. I met him once. He and Severus look a lot alike though Sev told me once that when his mother first found out she was pregnant he tried to deny the fact that it was even his. I guess that delusion was shattered greatly when ever Sev popped out. Any way…_

_Mum started to reply but Tuney threw down her fork and we both stared at her, startled to see her standing up. Her face was red and I could almost see steam rising from her blonde scalp. _

"_Would you two stop?" she shrieked. "I'm so sick and tired of this! I'm so sick and tired of having to pretend that everything is normal when it's not! I'm tired of living in this fantasy world! Both of you need to wake up and smell the coffee! Lily is a freak and Dad is going to die! Stop acting like everything is fucking peachy when it's obvious that it's not!" _

_I just stared at her. I'd never heard her curse before and I was shocked. I guess so was Mum but Mum didn't really take to kindly to it. The next thing I knew they were both yelling and screaming at each other. It upset me, Hazel. Our family is falling apart. Oh, I know it sounds awful, but I wanted to leave and never come back. I did leave, but I did come back obviously. _

_I ran out of the house, and down the street, not really aware of where I was going until I found myself at the park. I sat on the swings for a bit, swinging back and forth, trying not to think but Mum and Tuney's raised voices kept flooding my brain. I wasn't safe from my house on the swings so I had to leave there too. I walked for what seemed to be hours. The sun was starting to set and I found myself in a small clearing in the forest. I held my breath, realizing exactly where I was. I hadn't stepped foot here for at least two years, maybe longer. It was dark, and I didn't have my wand, well not that it would make a difference. I won't be able to use it freely until January. But anyway, I just sat there, trying not to think again but this time it worked. I was able to clear my mind. For the first time in a few months, I felt extremely peaceful. The way the lightening bugs lit up the clearing made me smile, and the frogs croaking and crickets chirping made me want to sing. It was odd really, as I gazed up at the sky through the trees and looked at the crisp twinkling stars, I felt really serene. Something told me that everything was going to be alright, that it would all work out, and you know Hazel, it might sound crazy but I think it was God. For the first time in a long time Hazel, God spoke to me. Maybe he's been trying to speak to me and I just didn't want to listen. But I'm listening now, and I believe it when he tells me that everything will work out for the better in the end. I believe it with all of my heart. That sense of contentment was so overwhelming, I started crying. But my tears were not full of sorrow, but full of joy and relief. _

_When I got home, Mum was waiting for me. She got on to me a bit, for leaving like I did. But I think she was just grateful I was alright. I'd been gone for nearly two hours. She promised that she'd take me to Diagon Alley tomorrow. I asked her about Sev, but she said she'd already talked to Mrs. Snape and they'd already been apparently. I don't know why I asked. I guess it's just instinct. _

_Anyway, Tuney is banging on my door. She says the light coming from under the door is bugging her and she can't sleep. Whatever. I just think she's still pissed at Mum and has to take it out on some one. She'll murder me if I don't switch off my lamp soon, but I promise that I will write again soon. _

_Love, _

_Lilybug. _

"Smells good," Harry said. Liz jumped a bit, startled. She smiled feebly as though she'd been caught doing something she shouldn't have been. Harry staggered over to the oven and pulled the door open, peering in. Liz's heart was thumping loudly in her chest. She tucked a lock of dark brown hair behind her ear and let out a breath, trying to calming herself. It was just Harry. She'd done nothing wrong. Glancing quickly at the green fluorescent numbers above the stove, Liz realized faintly she'd been sitting there reading for a good forty minutes. She'd never been good at reading even her own print, though Lily's was much neater than hers was. It's the shock, she realized. The shock that Lily Potter had been friends with Severus Snape. That's all she could really comprehend.

"Oh, it's probably done. Would you make a salad if you don't mind too terribly," Liz said, a bit shakily. As Harry opened the fridge door and began to take produce out, Liz found her self struggling to remember what she was doing, or why she had the oven door open and a tooth pick in her hands.

"Liz, are you alright?" Liz looked up, nearly banging her head on the ledge of the counter. Harry was staring strangely at her, frozen in place with a tomato in his hand. Oh right, Liz thought.

"Yes," Liz said and turned back to the scorching oven. She let out a hiss of pain as she realized that she'd forgotten the oven mitts and was trying to pull out the hot dish. Liz jumped back and held her hand her hand to her chest. "Damn it," she gasped. Harry dropped the tomato on the table and rushed to Liz's aid. He pried her hand from her chest and produced his wand, making water flow out of the tip on to her injured hand. The shock of the water on her hand made her howl in pain but the stinging started to dull.

"Here," Harry said as he pushed her down into a chair. "Let me get it." So as Liz nursed her hand, applying a salve to it, Harry got the chicken out of the oven properly while a knife diced lettuce near the sink. Liz cringed upon seeing lettuce flying all over the place and eyed the puddle of water on the floor disdainfully. Ever the neat freak, Liz quietly tidied up the mess with her wand. If Harry noticed that she was using her injured hand, he didn't say anything.

Dinner was a quiet affair. Liz sat and chewed her chicken thoughtfully, wanting to ask Harry so many questions, but she couldn't quite bring herself to do so. Her hand was still throbbing so rather than trying to force her self not to ask question she knew would insult her boyfriend, she concentrated on the dull throbbing pain in her left hand. But even so, Harry hadn't touched the diary so it was still sitting on the corner of the table, reminding Liz of what she'd read.

"Harry…"Liz said, carefully. "The diary…"

"What about it?" Harry shoved a forkful of lettuce into his mouth. Liz sighed and closed her eyes.

"Well, I was rather wondering if you knew that your mother and Professor Snape had been…friends…"

Harry stopped in mid chew and looked up at Liz, surveying her suspiciously through his green eyes. Liz felt panicked for a moment; she hated walking on eggshells with him. He never got violent or even screamed at her, but she knew when he was mad at her. She was scared that this would lead to him not speaking to her for a full day and sleeping on the couch when he had a perfectly comfortable spot in bed, next to her.

"I'm sorry," Liz said, almost pleading. "It's just that…well, she talked about him quite a bit and it sort of surprised me that they even knew each other…"

"They lived in the same town," Harry said some what stiffly. "I knew that." His tone made it clear that he did not want to talk about it which only frustrated Liz even more. She found herself becoming flustered but decided not to press on the issue, though through out the rest of the meal, she could feel the tension radiating from him. She hated living like this. She felt she ought to say something, though she wasn't sure what she should or even could say. Part of her felt compelled to apologize to him, though she wasn't quite she why. The impulse only made her feel angry. Apparently, Harry could sense this.

"Look, Liz, I know you want to know more about my mother, but we all know how it turned out. What's the point?"

Liz at this point was seething. It took all of her will power not to pick up her plate half filled with food and chuck it at him. Sure the plates were family heirlooms but it would be satisfying to hear it break. Anything that would bring her back to her senses didn't seem all that irrational at that point. Liz took several deep breaths, trying to calm her self before she spoke.

"So what, Harry? She died but just because you didn't know her, or I didn't know her doesn't make her fictional! The way she died doesn't define who she is. It's what happened in between. Besides that, it's not just her I want to know about, it's you. You're part of her. As long as we've been together, I don't feel like I know you!"

Liz didn't care if he was mad at her now. What did it matter? She was so sick and tired of everything it. Harry gazed at her coolly and Liz glared straight back. For once she wasn't going to back down and let him win. For once she was going to stand her ground. Liz stood angrily and snatched the diary from the table and stomped out of the room. The house was small, only a two bedroom and the spare bedroom which had been converted into an office, was filled with boxes stacked high. Liz didn't care about this how ever. She found a cozy little niche on the plush hardly ever walked on carpet between four stacks of boxes. With her back rested upon one stack and her feet stretched out comfortably in front of her, Liz opened the diary and began to read once more.

_Hazel,_

_I know I said I'd write soon, I'm afraid I've left you neglected. But you see, nothing has really happened since the last time I wrote in you. I'm at Hogwarts again and still nothing fairly exciting has happened. I'm in sixth year now but I feel lonelier than ever. Usually Sev and I would spend our evenings in the library, studying but this year I find myself alone. None of the other girls in my house and year want to study. The workload is heavy but I think I've gotten used to it because it doesn't bother me as much as it did last year. Last year, I hardly got two winks of sleep. _

_James Potter and his pack of idiot cult followers are still trying to get me to go out with him. There's a Hogsmeade trip this coming weekend and he keeps asking me to go and I keep telling him no. I don't think I'll even go. What's the point? I've seen it all. _

_Sometimes I wonder if I should just tell Potter yes that I will go out with him just to get him to leave me alone. One date and he will see that we're not compatible like he seems to think we are. But the thought of spending time alone with him revolts me to no end. He's like a puppy dog that refuses to be left alone. I keep telling it I don't want it, that I don't need it and no matter how many times I find it some where to live, it keeps coming back. I tried to set him up with Mary McDonald last year but that didn't work well. She ended up snogging Peter Pettigrew instead for some odd reason that I can not even begin to fathom. Maybe she was drunk. I guess Peter's nice enough but he seems to have really low self esteem which is something I find unattractive but I guess if she likes him I can't really judge her. Mary keeps telling me I should go out with James, that maybe I will like him, but some how I doubt it. The way he bullies people is sickening. _

_I haven't seen much of Sev around lately. I see him in class but that's about it. Some how we get partnered in Charms a lot, though I'm not sure how that works out. We don't say much to each other. _

_Oh Hazel, he hurt me so bad by calling me that awful name. It hurt because he was the one who reassured me that blood doesn't matter. I can't stand a hypocrite but I'm so lonely with out him. Part of me wants to forgive him for what he's done but I just can't. I don't know how. I don't want to seem weak but I miss him. _

_I'm only depressing myself. I've got homework to do. I promise, Hazel, I swear that I will not wait another two months to write in you. Or maybe I don't. I told you that I'm not the type that writes in diaries so how can you sit there and expect me to be so lonely? I guess it's not your fault. I really am sorry though. I guess I promise to write in you as soon as I can. _

_Always, _

_Lily. _

_Hazel, _

_Again, it's been far too long. But it's not been two months this time, only five weeks. So much has happened, I'm just bursting to tell some one, even if it is just you. I know I can count on you to keep my secrets which is why you really are the best friend I've ever had. _

_I guess I should have expected it. And I did, I really did. I kept waiting for a letter to drop into my breakfast every morning telling me the news. But that never happened. What did happen was in the middle of transfiguration class last week, a prefect came in and whispered something to McGonagall. I knew immediately what was going on, even though the rest of the class had stopped trying to transfigure their pigs into chairs, trying to figure out what was going on. I knew because McGonagall's eyes flew straight to mine, looking worried. With out even needing to be told, I gathered up my things and made my way to the front of the class room. McGonagall didn't say a word to me until we were safely outside and out of ear shot. The boys kept whistling, hooting, asking what I'd done to get into trouble, but I ignored them anyway. _

"_It's about your father, Lily," McGonagall said in this soothing voice. McGonagall hardly ever sees fit to call me by my first name. She usually just calls me Miss Evans. "He…" her voice cracked. I knew what she was about to say but that didn't make the blow any softer. "Your mother went to wake him up this morning and…Oh Lily…I'm so sorry…" _

_Of course, I was required in the Headmaster's office. I thought Mum would be there, but instead of her it was Petunia. She looked so out of place, really, in the Headmaster's office, with Dumbledore looking on with a grave stare. _

"_Oh Lily," she said and swept me in a hug. I hadn't hugged her since we were children and it felt weird but it felt good. She started crying into my shoulder and an odd moment of hilarity seized me as I thought about all the snot that was going to get on my clothes. Finally she pulled away. "Oh it was awful, Lily. Just awful! Mum went berserk. She tried to wake him up but he wasn't moving and his lips were blue." _

_I didn't know exactly what to say. I knew I probably should've comforted her but I couldn't think of a thing to say to her. But after all the secrets, after all of the sneaking around, acting like everything was okay, I needed to know exactly what got him. Mum wouldn't tell me anything and just told me it was nothing a girl my age should be worrying about. I had to know. _

"_Tuney, what happened to him? How did he die?" _

_Petunia just looked at me curiously, dabbing at her eyes with a tissue that I assumed Dumbledore had produced for her. I saw something flash behind her eyes, and I knew what was going on. I knew they were still going to try and hide it from me so I got angry. _

"_Don't tell me it was nothing! I'm not stupid!" I shouted at her. Petunia looked affronted and I could see her face turning red at the tone of my voice. "You think you're so great because you're older and in University but let me tell you something, I'm almost an adult too! I can handle it!" _

_Petunia looked like she might be angry for a second but she looked around the office, any where but at me, and her face began to relax into a sad frown that seemed to be her natural facial position. It's been a while since I've smiled Hazel. I'm not sure any of us know how any more. _

"_Some disease," she said. "They don't know what it was, it's rare. They don't even have a name for it." _

"_How," I asked. I felt ashamed. Petunia kept glancing around the room, to Dumbledore than back to me again. I knew what she was thinking. I could see her accusing me in her watery eyes. I'm a witch. I know magic. The people I knew were magical. If this disease were so rare and we're supposed to have superhuman powers than why couldn't I do something about it? I could have. I could have spent all my energy trying to help my father instead of worrying about stupid Potter and everything else... He could still be alive if I had used my time more wisely. _

"_Remember when you were a baby and we all lived in Africa?" Petunia asked me. No, I didn't remember. It was a long time ago. We had all lived with some tribe while Mum and Dad studied them. I had been born there but we moved back home before I was even two. My parents wanted us to be half way normal. They retired from their studies and came back home to live comfortably. They got a large sum from some University and the government. We were never wanting until Dad got really sick a few years go and all of the money went to paying off medical bills. They never let it show, but I knew that we were hurting. _

"_Lily," Professor Dumbledore interrupted. "Perhaps it's best that you not know some things. Perhaps you don't even want to know." _

_  
Well of course I wanted to know and it seemed so odd to have Dumbledore denying me the chance of retaining information. But I needed it. I needed to know why. _

_  
"No," I said firmly. "I need to know. I have to know." _

_Petunia took a deep breath and shook her head. _

"_He had an affair with one of the women from the tribe. He caught it from her." _

_Just like that. My whole illusion of everything I held so dear in my life was shattered. My father had cheated on my mother and he paid the ultimate price for it. I know it sounds awful Hazel but I'm glad I didn't have the means to save him. I was shell shocked. My parents seemed to be so in love. If I ever get married, I wanted it to be as perfect as theirs seem to be. Now that's all a lie. It was a sham and I'm not sure if I'll be able to look at my mother same way again. _

"_They didn't tell you because they thought it would upset you," Petunia said. She started shaking again. Her face was screwed up. I knew she'd start crying. I wanted to cry but I couldn't bring myself to do it. "Lily…Lily…Mum has it now…because of him…because of what he did to her! Does she deserve that?" Petunia sank to the floor and pounded on it with her fist. I just stood there, stupidly, my mind completely numb. When Dumbledore bent down to comfort her, she shrieked at him to leave her alone. And he didn't say another word to us. Petunia signed the release forms and we went home. _

_The house seemed so empty. I kept thinking Dad was going to pop around the corner at any given time. But he never did and I'm glad. _

_Mums confined to her bed now. They've got her so doped up on medications she didn't even make it to the funeral. I can't remember most of the funeral. I remember seeing my dads body and touching it. His skin was so clammy and he didn't look real at all. He looked like some sort of wax replica of the man that was once my dad. I felt under his nose, thinking he was just asleep and playing one of his tricks on me. You got me Daddy. You really did. _

_The house was not my home any more. Even though it was filled with people, it was still empty with out my dad's presence there. For the most part I stayed up in my room and gazed out of the window to the playground where I first met Severus. It made me smile to think about all the good times we had together. It also makes me sad because I don't see him any more. _

_I'm angry Hazel. I'm angry at Dad for dying, for cheating on Mum and most of all for leaving Mum with what he had. She won't live to see Tuney and me having children. The doctors say she'll be lucky if she lives another year. She's too young to die and it's all Daddy's fault. I'm angry at Mum for letting him get away with it. Tuney told me that he told her shortly after and she forgave him! Now she's dying because she gave him a second chance! I don't believe in second chances Hazel. Call me cynical if you will but if you let things slide it's only proving that you're a push over. I refuse to be a push over. _

_I miss Severus, Hazel. He'd know exactly how to cheer me up. But I gave him too many chances. I'm not doing it again. He's only going to hurt me. _

There was an unformed letter at the end of the entry. It wasn't signed. Liz could see that Lily had meant to write more but was probably interrupted. Still, Liz found tears pouring from her eyes. Lily's whole world had been broken in two. It was heart breaking that some one that young thought the way Lily Evans did. But what had she expected? Had she expected Lily's life to be perfect and boring?

Liz was painfully aware of corner of a dusty cardboard box poking in her side. It was uncomfortable and she definitely did not want to face Harry because she knew about what had happened to his grandfather. He had his family set on a pedestal almost. They were good people, he insisted even though he did not know them. How could they be anything but? It would shatter his illusion horribly. But yet, he did have a right to know. Liz would tell him, eventually, or at the very least make him read the diary his own self but for now, she'd finish it. It was as engrossing as a wonderful novel. Liz knew there was more to come. If she wanted to read the rest, she needed some where more comfortable to read. The most comfortable place she could think of was her bed. Liz stood and stretched, hoping that Harry would not want to talk much because she sure didn't feel like talking. Finding her emotions calmed a bit, Liz was no longer angry at him but if she talked to him, the truth might come out. It might end in another row.

Harry was already asleep when she padded silently into the bedroom. The lamp on her side of the bed was still turned on, as if Harry knew she'd come back. Liz smiled faintly and changed into her night gown. Before she climbed into bed, she gave Harry a soft kiss on the forehead, directly on his scar. He shifted a bit and rolled over but didn't wake up. It was times like these when Liz could really feel how much she loved Harry. He had his quirks and annoyed her at moments but when he was completely vulnerable and unaware is when she felt a jolt of love course through her body. It always hit her suddenly, like a bomb going off in her chest. As she climbed into the crisp sheets next to him, she shook her head slowly, smiling. He'd given her the diary hadn't he? He didn't refuse to let her read it. At least he gave her that much. At least. She cracked the book open and propped it on her lap and started in on the next entry.

_Hazel, _

_I'm sorry I had to cut the last entry short. I told you I'm horrid at keeping up with you but at least I know you're here waiting on me, patiently, to come back to you. _

_Strangely, I feel better. In fact, this is the happiest I've felt in about a year. I'm not constantly worrying about Dad any more. I'm able to focus on my studies now that it's out of the way. But I'm confused, Hazel. Horribly and utterly confused. _

_The night I wrote in you, I was hidden away in an empty class room, hiding. Everyone was being so dreadfully nice and sensitive towards me, I had to get away. Why don't people understand that I don't want them to feel sorry for me? I'm okay. Well, at least I think I'm alright. I just want to move on with my life. They were only holding me back when they made me remember. Of course, my little hidey hole wasn't exactly fail proof. There's only one person who could possibly know where to find me and he did. _

_For a while, we just sat there, staring at each other, unsure of what to say. His presence calmed me a bit but it was still uncomfortable. The hurt that he caused me was still fresh in my brain but yet I wanted to see him more than any one else. _

"_You alright?" he asked. _

"_I think I'm going to be," I said a bit stiffly. Knowing that after I refused to talk to him, refused to be his friend any more, and yet he still came to me, touched me. _

"_I know you will be," Severus told me. And just like that, I couldn't really be all that sad any more. But it was odd. The feeling in the air was just extremely strange and it all came crashing down on me when he leaned over and kissed me on the mouth. I've never kissed any one before and I never thought the first time I'd kiss would be with Sev. But it felt good. It felt good to know that some one had enough faith in me to not try and comfort me. So I let him kiss me again. I don't like him like that; at least I don't think I do. I don't really like any one like that. Which is why I'm confused, Hazel. _

_I'm afraid I did something incredibly stupid, though. I never wanted to hurt him, which I know I did, but it was for his own good. But I never thought in a million years that he felt that way about me. I didn't want to lead him on but yet I didn't want to deny him what he'd been craving so I let him. I slept with him Hazel. Right there in that class room. I didn't mean to but it just sort of happened. He instigated it but I didn't exactly stop him either. I was saving that part of my self for some one I loved like that and I don't love him like that. He will only hurt me Hazel. He won't change. I know he won't, not for me any way. I'm selfish to even think so but he's making a horrible choice. I will not allow my self to fall for him. I just can't. But I sort of do. Which is why I'm so confused. I think I'll go take a long bath with some of that heavenly lavender bath oil that Mary made me for my birthday last year. I need sleep._

_Lily. _

_Hazel,_

_It's been a more than a few weeks but I'm having a crisis. You must think I'm awful. I only come to you when I'm having troubles. I feel horribly selfish because you've been a worthy listener and I have yet to ask about you. How are you doing? You're doing well you say? Well, that's wonderful but I'm feeling dreadful. _

_Yesterday, when I woke up, I was sick. I knew then, Hazel. I knew what was going on, and I'm completely devastated. I tried not to panic at first but what else could I do? My period has been missing for about two weeks now. I kept trying to convince myself it was the stress but getting sick only shattered that delusion. I was sick again this morning too and I can hardly eat. I missed classes today. I'm supposed to be in Transfiguration but I can't face him. He wouldn't believe me anyway. _

_Any way, Mary, God bless her, knows what's going on. She's skipped classes too and is in the library researching for me because I've been confined to my bed. I've only just stopped barfing for the first time since I woke up. Mary brought me some fizzy pumpkin juice from lunch and that helped soothed my tummy a bit. _

_Oh dear, I'm crying again. I hope Mary never comes back. I don't want to know the truth because the truth will destroy my life. I know I can't ignore it but I honestly want to. I don't care about how the test will come out. _

_At this point, I really want to die._

_Mary is back. She says she found a ritual. I'll write again later, and let you know. _

_Later _

_It's true, Hazel, as I knew it would be. _

_This cannot be happening to me. I cannot bring myself to say it. _

_It is not true, Lily, it's not true. It's all one hellish night mare. You aren't ready for this. You will never be ready for this. _

_Oh Hazel, I'm very much on the verge of hanging myself for making such a stupid mistake. Severus will never believe me and my mum will kill me. I'm too smart for this to happen to me! How did this happen! _

Liz found her breath caught in her throat. Lily Potter had gotten pregnant at school? How could this be? And all the while Harry was thinking… But yet, she read on, completely unable to tear her eyes away from the book. The surprises just kept getting bigger…

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**What do you think? Good? Bad? Tell me. I promise, I don't bite. See that little box down there that says "Review this Chapter"? Go on then, press it. It wants you to. It's practically begging to be clicked. **


	2. Severus Shaken

**Thanks to every one who reviewed, I'm touched. **

**I guess I should have mentioned this before, but, I listed this under Severus/Lily because the first part of this story revolves around them mainly, however, the second part will revolve around Liz and Harry. The whole Severus/Lily thing ends with the diary entries because I'm keeping this as canon as I possibly can. I was thinking about breaking this up into two parts with each pairing but I'm lazy and that isn't going to happen. And to the person who reviewed and said this story won't be good unless Lily has feelings for Severus, I'm sorry but that's not what this story is about. Feel free to think what ever you want about this story, you won't hurt my feelings. I'm a bit on the dark side so not everything is going to be light and fluffy. Sorry.  
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**As a warning, this chapter is an ungodly length so if you're wanting to sit down and read it one sitting then be prepared to be there for a while. I just couldn't figure out how to split this up.  
**

_**Chapter 2: Severus Shaken  
**_

_Hazel,_

_It's been exactly three months since I've written to you. It's been exactly three months since I first found out I was pregnant. Yes, I can finally say it. There's just no way I can deny it any more. My stomach is starting to grow as I'm about five months along. I'm still at school thankfully, and will be giving birth shortly after I finish school. _

_You know, it hasn't turned out half as bad as I thought it would. In fact, I feel great despite the fact…well…you know. I was allowed to stay at school, obviously, and I don't have to tell a soul what's going on. I've figured it out, Hazel. _

_I researched on how to get rid of it and I even brewed up a potion that would take care of my problem but I couldn't drink it. I got to thinking about how many people aren't able to have children and it's obvious that I am but am not ready for that just yet. I'm giving it up for adoption. My mum is friends with a family who have wanted a baby for ages. They're really nice people, Hazel. I met them during Christmas Break, after I told Mum. She cried a bit with me but together we found a solution. The family is wonderful, they really are, and I know my baby will be safe with them. I'm ready to sign the papers right now but the thing is I need to get Severus to sign the papers since he's the father. I know I'm doing the right thing Hazel. _

_I still haven't told him yet. I don't know how I can. I've got this all figured out. What if he wants to keep it? What if he won't sign the papers? Mary says I should tell him but I can't bring myself to do it. We haven't spoken since our night together. Things actually got a lot worse. The fact that he called me a you- know- what still upsets me and I certainly don't want my child to grow up in the environment that he's completely immersed himself in now. It's sickening. He doesn't even try to keep it a secret. I see him with his so called friends, cackling and making rude comments about muggleborns that walk by. I want to smash his brains in when ever I see him. _

_But the fact still remains that I'm pregnant with his child. Like I said, I do not love him and what happened was a mistake. I will not punish my self or this baby by trying to force myself to feel something towards him that I do not. I deserve better. _

_I'd better go for now. Mary's insisting that we go find him now and tell him. Wish me luck! _

_Love,_

_Lily. _

_P.S. We did another ritual to find out what sex the baby is going to be. It's a girl! The adoptive parents said that they weren't picky but I know they want a girl. I'm proud and honored to be the one who grants their wish. After I give birth, she'll go straight to her mother's arms, which is probably for the best. _

_Hazel,_

_Well, that went extremely wonderfully. Everything is sunshine and fucking roses. Sorry to curse but I'm angry, as you can tell by my sarcasm. _

_I knew it was an awful idea to tell him. Mary insisted and to make matters worse, I think she's told Pettigrew, the treacherous bitch! If he tells Potter it will only be a matter of time before everyone else finds out and I'll be labeled school whore. There go my chances of being Head Girl. _

_Mary had a hard time drawing him out. He didn't want to speak to me for some reason which I could really care less about. But in the end, she had some Slytherin girl tell him that Slughorn wanted to see him in his office. Thankfully, Slughorn had been drinking the night before and was safely tucked away in his chambers, conked out with sleep potions to help his hang over. Of course, Sev was angry that he'd been tricked and he was belligerent that I was the one who had tricked him. _

"_Can't get enough of me, can you Evans?" His sneer made me want to throttle him. He was acting just like that prat Potter. "I've got better things to do than to sit around and listen to you grovel." _

"_I…" I lost my voice. His behavior completely floored me. I wanted to be angry but I was sad more than anything. "It's…nothing…like that…" _

"_What is it then?" _

_I didn't know how to tell him so I just started unbuttoning my school shirt. His jaw dropped, I think he thought I was putting on a strip tease but the concealment charms I had on my robes hid my secret only until they were shed. So there I sat, exposing my bloated abdomen like an idiot. _

"_You can't prove it's mine," he hissed suddenly. _

"_Of course it's yours, don't be daft, who else have I shagged?" _

"_Don't lie, I've seen you around Potter!"_

"_What are you talking about? I haven't been around Potter…" and then it dawned on me. Since Mary and I had grown close, I'd been spending a lot of time around Pettigrew who in turn spends a lot of time with Potter. For the most part I just ignored him but we were undeniably seen together. "Severus…I don't even talk to him…I barely notice that he exists! Why would I shag him?" He stared at me for the longest time, his gaze hard and cold. I didn't know what to do. He knew it was his. Finally he plopped down behind Slughorn's desk and opened a bottle of whiskey that Slughorn kept hidden in his bottom drawer. He chugged a good portion of it down before he offered it to me. _

"_Don't be stupid, I can't drink," I said, pointing at my still bare belly. _

"_You're going to get rid of it anyway, so you might as well live it up."_

"_That's the thing, Severus…I can't get rid of it…I thought about it and I almost did but it's too late now." _

"_I am not ruining my life for you." _

"_That's the thing…you don't have to. What I've been trying to say is that I've found a family who wants to adopt. All I need from you is your signature. That's all I want, I swear."_

_He looked at me for the longest time, his jaw bone shifting as he considered me and my condition. The only thing I could do was stand there. Finally he shook his head slowly. _

"_Who wants to adopt?"_

"_It's a couple my mum is friends with. I've already met with them and…Oh, Sev, they're wonderful. They've wanted a child to call their own since forever and I want to be the one to give them their happiness!" I knew it sounded sappy but what else could I possibly say? Severus, I was sure was going to sign the papers no questions asked but then again, I thought I'd known Severus at one point but clearly I did not. _

"_These friends of your mum…are they muggle?" _

"_Well, of course they are, what does it matter?"_

_He stood up and began pacing. Back and forth…back and forth…to be quite honest Hazel he was making me dizzy and more than a little scared. _

"_No," he said. "No. I don't want my son to be raised by muggles."_

"_What?"_

"_You heard me Lily. No child of mine is going to be raised by muggles!" He stood facing me now, his eyes blazing with something I could not quite put my finger on. _

"_What does it matter?" I repeated. I was completely flabbergasted. First he wanted me to get rid of it and now suddenly he cared enough to be picky about whom our baby is going to live with? It was utterly ridiculous and it made me angry, Hazel. As much as I wanted to give him what he wants, I just couldn't do that. _

"_They'll screw him up! Look at my father, the man who can't stand the sight of me no matter how hard I tried to please him! This child needs some one who can give him what he needs, what he deserves and I'm sorry Evans but no muggle can give him the privileges that a pureblooded family can!"_

"_I was raised by a muggle family," I whispered. _

"_Yeah and look how that turned out. You're pregnant, Lily! Your father cheated on your mum with some whore heathen and now your mother is going to die because of him! Because she was stupid enough to take him back after he cheated on her! Muggles are stupid, Lily!" _

_I wanted to cry. But I just couldn't. The way he was looking at me, I could tell this is the way he thought. His mind was warped beyond all reason now and there isn't a single thing I can do or say to him to convince him otherwise. _

"_Severus, I've already told them it's a done deal…I can't go back on my word! I can't let them down like that. My mum said the day she found out I was a witch was the proudest of her life because she could honestly say that I was special. I want to give that gift to some one else."_

"_I'm the father and I should have a say too!" His face was flushed and I could tell that I was upsetting him beyond all reason. "I'll be with you; I'll do what ever it takes! We could raise him together and we could be a real family."It was then that I did start to cry. I didn't like to see him beg. The last time he did it tore me apart to put my foot down and tell him no. I didn't want to relive that. "I love you, Lily."_

"_Oh, Severus, please don't say that!" _

"_It's true, and you know it! Marry me and I promise I'll make you happy. I'll do what ever it takes…"_

"_You won't give me what I want."_

"_I will, anything, tell me!"_

_I bit my lip. There was just no easy way. "I…I don't want you joining…_him._"_

_His face fell and I knew then that it wouldn't ever be. It sounded nice but I don't think I love him like that and every time I try and convince myself that I don't, he does something like this. He was one of the best friends that I ever had. How could I say no? _

"_I can't. I've already taken his mark." His words were muttered and it took me a moment to register what he'd said. When he pulled back his sleeve and showed me that awful mark I nearly went mental. It was ten times worse than Daddy dying. I'd always harbored some hope that Severus wouldn't join. But he's done it and there is no turning back. I can't give him a second chance like Mum did with Dad or else I'd more than likely end up dead too. I started thinking about what he called me and what a hypocrite he'd been. I thought about the way he treated muggle-borns now and I thought about the environment our daughter would grow up in if I didn't give her up. I decided that no matter what sort of background her adoptive parents had that she'd be happy with them. They could give her the life that I want her to have. I'm just not ready for that. Someday I will probably have another child and then it will be right. _

"_No," I said holding my chin up high. I felt something stir within me that I hadn't felt in so long: satisfaction. This is my life and I finally felt as though I had control over it. "If I have to, I'll have the baby declared a bastard."_

"_I'll fight for him," he said. "I can do it with out you."_

"_Be my guest," I sneered at him. "You can take care of it full time. Feed it, change its diapers, stay up all night with it when it's sick and then still go to school."_

"_Don't you think I won't? I have connections beyond your dreams, Evans, and I will do everything it takes to keep my son out of some filthy muggles home!"_

"_Over my dead body, Snape. I'm through. I'm giving the baby to that couple no matter how hard you try." I turned to leave but just before I walked through that door, I turned around. "It's a girl by the way. Good luck getting Malfoy to help you get custody of a filthy half blooded girl." _

_And that was that, Hazel. I have a feeling, though, that he will try. I'm scared. What if he actually succeeds? What am I going to do?_

_Anyway, breakfast is in five minutes and all this anger is making me hungry. I'll write more when something else pops up._

_Lily. _

Liz glanced at the clock; it was nearly two in the morning. She carefully flipped through the pages, trying to determine how much was left to read and trying to judge the amount of time it would take her to read. Harry was snoring gently beside her. She wanted to be sleepy as well but just wasn't. Did she even want to read any more? It was bad enough that she knew Lily had gotten pregnant during her sixth year at Hogwarts, to top it all off with Snape being the father. It was all too much to keep secret from Harry but she wasn't sure how or if she'd even tell him. It would crush him.

Most of her, though, wanted to know how the story turned out. Liz never heard of Snape having a daughter or taking care of her. Liz counted back on the dates, realizing that the baby would have been born around the same time she was and therefore would have to be in the same year she'd been in while she was at school. She'd never heard of any one with the last name of Snape or Evans for that matter in her year. Then a horrible thought struck her: What if the unnamed baby hadn't survived? What if it hadn't even made it to being born? Liz fancied that idea for a moment. If that were so, she'd have no reason to bring it up to Harry would she? But it would've crushed Lily.

Liz knew that Lily never ended up with Severus Snape, it was obvious who she chose. That little fact didn't stop her from hoping though, no matter how slim the chances were, that they'd end up together. Snape seemed to really love Lily just from what Lily had wrote. Liz could see that even through Lily's biased view. It touched her a bit even though Lily portrayed Snape to be some kind of sociopath which he was, undeniably.

Liz cradled the diary in her hands, thinking that she really needed to sleep. But the diary begged her to open it, to read its secrets. It almost felt that the diary was placing some spell on her, forcing her to read, as though she was meant to know all of this, no matter how big the burden of the secret it contained was.

_Hazel,_

_I am seven months pregnant and scared shitless. I've got two months to go and my dreams are plagued with nightmares about birth. Sometimes I dream that she's not really human but a little deformed alien that wants to kill me. She comes out and has these sharp little teeth that she tries to rip my throat out with. _

_The fact that Severus has been stalking me doesn't put my mind at ease, not one bit. He thinks I can't see him when he's trying to get lost in a crowd. But he's right there, always, Hazel, always there to remind me that this is his child too. _

_I feel guilty, I really do. But if I thought he wanted anything to do with this baby because it was the right thing to do and not for personal again, namely as a means for controlling me, then maybe I'd take him up on his previous offer. _

_I fancy the idea of raising this baby myself, keeping her to myself. I suppose I've grown quite fond of her even though I have yet to meet her. Adoption seemed like the perfect solution when this seemed like such a nightmare. But I never could have foreseen that I'd grow to love the baby that grows within me. It's not so bad now that I think about it, the whole having a baby thing. After Dad died, everything just seemed to be so out of control. I've grown up since then. This just creates a dilemma. I have to choose between my own happiness and the happiness of two people who have suffered disappointment over and over and now have the chance to finally be happy. I certainly didn't want this to happen but now that it has…_

_I've always dreamed about having a daughter. I wanted to name her Hazel, after you, my great grandmother, and after the eyes I dreamed about her having. I never dreamed that it would happen this soon. I suppose I won't get to name her, if I give her up. I just don't know Hazel. What should I do? _

_I should sleep, I'm tired. _

Liz felt tears begin to form in her eyes. She could imagine a pregnant Lily sitting in her bed with her lit wand between her teeth, scribbling down her thoughts in much the same fashion Liz her self used to do during her years at Hogwarts. The only difference was Lily had much more a complicated thought process than Liz did and Liz for one did not that envy that.

Liz thought about it; would she be able to give up her child before it was born? Liz wasn't really ever planning to have children, at least not for a few more years. If it were to happen, she was sure she'd be happy but for now, she'd like to savor her freedom and the time alone she had with Harry.

Lily was a loving person, Liz could tell and it was a tough choice to make. Liz would crumple under the intense pressure. She admired Lily. Liz was still having the internal struggle on whether or not to tell Harry he could have a sister. A niggling voice in the back of her head told her she had no choice. It was the right thing to do. But he was asleep. What was the point in waking him up when he'd be more than likely grumpy that he was being woken up to tell him this? It was a stupid, stupid thought. Liz put it to rest, ready to read more out of Hazel.

_Hazel, _

_It's times like these that I'm glad gave you to me. I need some one to confide in. Sometimes it's easier to tell something to some thing that can't tell any one else. What I wouldn't give for a mute friend, Hazel. But all I've got is you. But I'm afraid I've messed up and told some one else in the process. _

_It's a long story, Hazel, so perhaps you should go make some tea. No? Suit yourself. I won't be mad if you get up and decide not to listen any more but I have to tell some one. _

_School is letting out next week. I can't wait to take my fat self home and get this baby out of me because she's causing me more discomfort than anything. I still don't know if I will give her to my mum's friends yet or not. I'll cross that bridge when I get there. She kicks at the most awful times, like in the middle of class or when there are a lot of people around. My mum has had to send me bigger robes at least once a month since Christmas. I know the baby can't be comfortable so I'm sure she's ready to get out and find some where else to live as much as I am eager for her to do so. Not to mention I can hardly bend over to tie my trainers any more and that my back is killing me constantly. My friends have stopped hanging out with me because they think I'm a bitch now, granted I have been one but god. If I could tell them, I would, but I can't. Not that I can hang out with them. I'm so tired when classes are out, all I want to do is go nap. _

_That's not the only thing, though Hazel. Are you sure you don't want that tea? I thought you might. You can listen while you put a pot on._

_Right after Potions yesterday, Severus cornered me. What happened was that he knew I was a bit slow. I'm usually more tactful and such but with this baby lying on my bladder, between every class, I've had to make stops to the toilet. Apparently he's been watching me enough to know my routine. After Potions yesterday and after I came out of the bathroom, he snatched me, literally. He grabbed my wrist and before I had any time to fight, he was dragging me down the hallway and up the stairs, towards the Great Hall. He finally pulled me into the chamber beside the Great Hall and stopped. _

"_What's your issue," I snarled, rubbing my wrist. He had been gripping it quite hard, hard enough to leave red marks. It wasn't enough that I was pregnant, tired and cranky. No, something like this had to happen. "I'm going to be late to my next class!" I swore loudly because it felt like he'd cracked a bone in my wrist. _

"_No you aren't," he said and crossed his arms across his chest. He was smiling smugly and I would've punched him in the face if my good hand wasn't disabled to due my wrist being injured. "Herbology has been canceled for the next two days as a pot of Devil's Snare has gone awry and has attacked and injured a student."_

_It dawned on me that he'd caused it which only made me want to hit him all the more._

"_That's awful! All you had to say was, 'Evans, I need to talk to you!'" _

"_I've been trying to do that for the past two weeks, Lily! Don't you think I'd try that first? You kept dashing off every time you saw me, so I had to do something!" _

"_Well, what is it?" I demanded. "I haven't got all sodding day, Snape." _

"_I just wanted to tell you that my offer still stands," he uncrossed his arms, his smug smile suddenly disappearing. He looked more serious than I'd ever seen him, which I can tell you, Hazel, scared me. It scared me more than birth, more than dying. I knew I wasn't going to like what he was going to say when I declined, which believe me, Hazel, I did. _

"_No," I said. I tried to sound stronger than I felt but the truth was I felt as small as a scared child. He didn't react, not visibly anyway. _

"_Fine," he said in that quiet way of his. "I'm still not signing those papers, Evans. And not only that, but I've told my mother and she wants to take legal action if you refuse my offer. I have as much right to that baby as you do and I will not hesitate to enforce that, even if it means taking it away from you."_

"_You will not," I hissed at him. "I think you're lying. I think you're just trying to scare me. It's not working. Even if it were true, you'd have a fun time trying to convince the Ministry that my child needs to be taken away from me, its mother, the one who pushed it into this earth and who can give it food, mind you, produced from my body!" _

_His next movements happened so quick, I had hardly any time to react. He grabbed my wrist again and pushed me against the door, shoving his face into mine. I swear Hazel, if I hadn't of just gone to the toilet before hand, I would have peed myself. He was crushing my wrist, gripping it so hard that I thought it might shatter. I tried not to react, to give him any indicator that I was scared of him or what he might do to me but I failed. I shut my eyes and I'm sure he could tell by my rapid breathing that I was frightened. This was my worst nightmare and I didn't even know it until it was happening. _

"_I wouldn't if something were to happen to you. It'd be cake if you were suddenly…not there. I know people, Evans," he whispered roughly. "I know people who'd think nothing of disposing of you. I'd give that some thought before you tried to stop me. You've got a choice, Evans. I think you need to sit and think about it." _

_He released me and as soon as he did, I scrambled through the door, not giving him a chance to capture me. I didn't look back until I was safely in my bedroom and when I thought about it, I don't think he chased me. What had happened, I'm not sure. This wasn't like him at all. It scared me to think he'd have me murdered and I know he wasn't lying. How could I have not noticed that he'd fallen so far into that dark pit known as Voldemort that he'd threaten me in such a way over something so stupid? I wish I could have done something…I thought I had. I thought he cared about me. Why would he sleep with me if he didn't? I don't understand Hazel. I wish I had cut ties with him sooner. We could have avoided this whole mess! _

_I'm still not through though, Hazel. Are you bored yet? I didn't think you would be but I didn't think you would hang on to my words like you are now. Perhaps it is my imagination or my loneliness getting to me, but I can picture the two of us, you as a real person, an older, wiser version of me sitting in some sunny quaint kitchen, dipping biscuits into our tea as though it were normal for me to have so many dramatic occurrences in my life. _

_I went to bed and just lay there, trying not to think. I wasn't aware of actually falling asleep, but I guess I did because I woke up a few hours later when ever the lights were turned out. I knew I wouldn't be able to get to sleep easily and I couldn't exactly brew my self a sleep potion. In the past, I would have done that but with me being pregnant, it's not safe. So I went down to the common room, which was deserted, save for the house elf that was tidying up the place. They're not supposed to be in eye sight, seen but not heard, but this one stuck around and when I told her I couldn't sleep, she popped off and came back with a glass of warm milk and a sticky bun, which I was grateful for. She finished tidying up and then left, leaving me alone. The milk did make me feel better and a tiny bit sleepy, but my mind still wouldn't rest. Not only that, but my wrist was aching too. Before I had time to inspect it or heal it, some one entered the common room and it was one of the last people I really wanted to see right then. Sirius Black came sauntering in, I think he might have been drunk because he was sort of staggering a bit. He was up to his late night shenanigans, and I knew Potter would shortly follow. I knew that if I got up, he'd notice me and want to talk to me so I sat still, waiting for him to walk on by and after he did, I would scurry up to the girls' dorm. That didn't happen. He passed the sofa I was sitting on and as I was about to breathe again, he saw me. I could see him stop suddenly out of the corner of my eye. I groaned inwardly as he turned around with this huge grin on his face. _

"_It's a bit late, yeah, Evans?" He plopped down beside me and eyed the half empty glass of milk resting between my legs. I wasn't in my school robes anymore, I'd shed them for my night gown. I didn't expect to see any one at this hour. I just prayed he was as dim as I thought he was. I prayed he wouldn't notice the obvious bump that didn't belong there. _

"_I should say the same for you," I said stiffly, trying to get him to look me in the face, but he wouldn't. My heart sank when I saw his eyes glued to my fat belly. I wanted to cry. "Where's Potter? Isn't it usually you that trails after him, not the other way around?" _

"_No," Sirius said slowly. "He's already in bed, said he had a headache so I made off with this Hufflepuff girl…what happened to your wrist?" It struck me then that he wasn't looking at my pregnant belly but my wrist which was working hard to cover my shameful secret. I looked down at it and saw that it was swollen and bruised. It looked hideously injured, to say the least. _

"_Nothing," I said shortly, hoping he'd leave it alone. It was the reason I didn't want to go to the Hospital Wing. There were too many questions and I could heal it the same. The problem was I didn't think to think of a cover story. I had to think on my toes, which was futile. "I hurt it playing Quidditch earlier, that's all." _

"_When were you out at the Quidditch Pitch?" He asked. He carefully lifted my wrist, and I winced. I was sure that it was broken. It was probably just a hairline fracture but it felt much worse than that._

"_Um…after classes let out…you know…spring fever. Was such a lovely night, I couldn't resist." _

"_You know, that's odd. Prongs and I were out at the pitch for most of the afternoon and most of the night. If you had been there, Prongs would have noticed right off the bat…not only that but Mary came down and was asking if we'd seen you…"_

_I stayed quiet, cursing myself for not thinking of something better earlier. I could have said I was at the Library. Neither Potter nor Sirius would notice if I had been there and Mary hated the place and hardly stepped foot in there. Sirius pointed all that out to me which only annoyed me further. _

"_It's nothing, Black, I promise." _

"_Then how come you didn't go to the Hospital Wing? It looks like some one, not something you did, did that to you." He examined my wrist closely. If I hadn't known it would be painful, I would have snatched it back. "Those are hand marks. Who did this to you?"_

"_Would you just let it rest?" I snapped at him. He released my wrist, gingerly. I cradled it. "It was an accident, honest."_

"_Did it have something to do with her?" He was looking at my stomach again. My heart sank once more. I could feel tears prick behind my eyelids. I wanted to die. But I thought it odd that he knew it was a girl. _

"_I'm going to kill Mary," I whispered. _

"_No, don't do that. I didn't tell anyone else, I promise. I certainly couldn't tell Prongs about you and Snape. He'd be crushed." _

_I'll admit, Hazel, it was a great relief to know that some one else knew even though I wasn't happy about it or the circumstances. Mary knew, yes but that was different. I worried that she'd tell some one and she did, for which I am still going to kill her for, but at least the person she told wasn't going to tell. I don't know why I trust Black but I do. I even went as far as to show him the unsigned adoption papers. _

"_So, Snape refuses to sign them?" Sirius asked, completely immersed in my sordid tale. I held up my wrist, as if to prove that Black statement was true. I didn't expect him to react like he did. _

"_He did that to you?" _

"_Yeah, but I don't think he meant to…"_

"_Oh, I'm sure he did. What did he say?" _

"_Oh, stop it. It was just a bluff, nothing to get worried over." I think I was trying more to assure myself than I was him. It made him angry for some reason. "God…don't give me that look…he just told me that if I didn't marry him or sign over my rights to our daughter to him that he'd have one of You-know-Who's followers after me. It was a lie, a way to scare me. I don't believe a word of it." _

_Sirius didn't respond. He snatched up the adoption papers and left. It left me worried and more than a bit miffed. It was one o clock in the morning; I didn't expect Black to get any results as Severus was probably in bed. So I went to bed myself and slept soundly until morning. _

_I certainly did not expect Severus to approach me this morning with a black eye and a stiff jaw. I certainly did not expect for him to grumble an apology at me and I certainly did not expect him to shove the adoption papers in my hand with his signature on it. _

_I'm angry at what Sirius did to him but more so, I'm relieved. He won't admit to having done it but I know better. _

_However, that still leaves my dilemma. I'm not sure I want to give her up anymore even if I had Severus' permission. I'm glad everything is turning out okay. Like I said before, I just wish I had some one to tell other than you who I knew I could keep a secret. I didn't expect results though. I guess that just goes to show you that good things do come for people who wait. _

_I'm on a free period Hazel and the bell has rung. I need to get off to last period. The tea was good, you make a wonderful pot, and I'll give you that much Hazel. I'm glad we had this conversation but I must regret to inform you that next week is final week so for the next few days I'll be devoting all of my time to studying so I won't have time to talk to you until after I'm home again. I'm sorry but I'm glad you understand. _

_Hazel,_

_I'm home finally. I'm so glad to be off my feet and having no responsibilities except to take it easy as per my doctor's orders. Things are different around here with Dad being gone. I hate to admit it but things are considerably happy. Mum is still sick but the doctor told her she had a year or so yet before the disease she has really starts to take its toll and even then it will be manageable through medication. We all know she's going to die and I guess we all are but this time we'll be able to prepare and we still have a few months yet. At least we know we have to make the best of it. _

_Petunia's home from University as well. She got out of school a week before I did. I don't see much of her, she's always with Vernon but when she is around she's considerably nicer which isn't saying much, really. _

_She came in one night, munching on an apple. I was lying in bed, trying not to think about how miserable I was. She took a loud bite out of her apple as she sat down at the foot of my bed in that prissy way of hers. _

"_I think it's funny," she said. I glared at her. "I mean, you always were the golden child. 'Lily can turn buttons into mice!' 'Lily showed me this wonderful trick that will get my begonias to grow taller than they ever have before!' 'Lily is a freak and we're so proud of her!'" I grabbed my wand off my night stand and pointed it at her. _

"_I'm not in the mood," I growled. She just grinned at me and took another chunk out of her apple. She reminded me of a horse that's just been rewarded. _

"_Mum told me you were up the duff and I just laughed, Lily. For once, you screwed up. And here I thought I was the one who'd get pregnant first but my, this is more wonderful than I thought it was. Perfect Lily knocked up at the age of seventeen! Of course, the night Mum told me I was going to tell her that Vernon proposed and that we wanted to get married this summer, but I was more than happy to put it off because my baby sister went and got her self pregnant! Glorious!" _

"_Wait, you're engaged?" _

"_Yeah, I told Mum I wanted to tell you myself." _

"_So you didn't come in here just to make fun of me, then." _

"_No, I suppose not."_

"_Well, I'm happy for you, Tuney. I really am." I think she wanted to make me angry. I think she was trying to steal the limelight away from me for once. But I really am happy for her. I guess that's the best revenge. "Vernon is mad about you. I'm sure he'll be a wonderful husband." _

"_What about you? When are you going to get married?" _

_I looked down at my stomach and scowled. Apparently Mum hadn't told her I was thinking of giving the baby up for adoption. _

"_Not any time soon, I imagine." I tried to sit up but I'm a beached whale. It was hard work and to my surprise, Petunia grabbed my hand and helped me up. _

"_So the boy who did this to you…"_

"_Oh yes he knows. He signed his half of the adoption papers. We're both free to marry any one we want in the future. Just not each other." _

"_Who is the father? Mum wouldn't say." _

"_Promise you won't laugh?" Petunia's eyebrows shot to her hairline. _

_  
"It was that Snape boy! That creepy boy that lives in the slums that followed you around like a puppy dog!" _

"_You make it sound more embarrassing than it already is," I said with a wince. It was at that moment that the little girl stuffed so snugly in my womb decided to wake up. She wasn't happy about it either. "She's kicking." I grabbed Petunia's hand and pressed it to my flesh. Her eyes widened in amazement. _

"_That's…so…weird feeling," she said with a small gasp. _

"_You should feel it from the inside," I said with a grin. Petunia looked up at me and returned my grin. _

_Sisters. They either hate you or they don't. Petunia is just irrational that way. I get the feeling that sometimes she doesn't hate me as much as she wants me to think. In reality, she's been actually helping me a lot. Since school is out and I'm weeks away from giving birth to a fatherless child, Petunia has decided to be my Lamaze partner since Mum is almost incapable of sitting down with out needing a hand up. I'm the same, our team just wouldn't work. Of course, Petunia ridicules me so she's not with out her charm, Hazel. I'm just really grateful she's here for me. I didn't expect her to be so…embracing. Even if it is because I managed to screw up. It means something. Anyway, I'm a tired pregnant lady so I must go rest. I have to figure out my birthing plan tomorrow. _

_Love, _

_Lilybug._

_My dearest Hazel,_

_I have a week and a half left until I give birth. It's four o clock in the morning and I cannot sleep. I just cannot get comfortable. I'm either too hot or to cold or the baby kicks me awake. You'd think I'd be used to it by now but the truth is I'm so sad to give her up that I can feel every single move she makes nearly. I want to savor these moments because we don't have many left together. _

_I was thinking about giving you to her, that is if her parents will let her have you Hazel. We discussed a closed adoption and I think that's what we're opting for. I don't think they're ever planning to tell her that she was adopted and it breaks my heart in two. It's for the best. The more attached I become the more it will hurt. I'd love to see her grow up into a beautiful young lady, no doubt smart. But I don't think she was meant to be mine, some how. I'm just a vessel; those people are her real parents. _

_I keep telling myself she's my gift to them. But is it wrong that I want her all to myself? She's my baby, I made her. I don't know how I'm going to be able to give her up. These last nine months with her have been a gift. I never knew what a beautiful thing pregnancy was until now. No matter the circumstances, I love her anyway. I try to deny it but I can't. I love her, I love her, I love her, Hazel! She's the last part of Sev that I will ever have. Why am I crying? Why do I care so much? Maybe that's what it all boils down to. Maybe I miss Severus so much, that I'd do anything to keep some shred of our friendship alive. That makes me an awful person, doesn't it? I'm selfish, Hazel. I hated Dad because he died. I hated him for cheating on my mother but now I realize we all make mistakes. Even me. I'm not a forgiving person. Apologetic but not forgiving. What is wrong with me? _

_Dear Hazel,_

_I'm sorry about whining to you like I did early this morning. It's these damned hormones, but I can assure you I feel better now. It's been a rather emotional day. Not bad rather bittersweet, honestly. We'd just got finished with lunch, Mum, Tuney and I, when our doorbell rang. Now I can't hop up fast to do anything anymore and neither can Mum so Tuney answered it. I didn't think anything of it; I was too busy scavenging around, stealing bites off of Tuney's sandwich. I didn't even look up when she walked in. If I had, I would have noticed some one behind her. _

"_Lily, you have a guest," Petunia said rather stiffly. I rolled my eyes. I hate that snooty tone of voice she uses around people other than us. It's so fake. _

"_I'm currently not accepting any guest at this time, Petunia," I said in an equally snotty tone of voice. I was sitting with my back to her and I refused to look at her on principle. _

"_Oh but dear sister, I think you will accept this guest because I'm quite sure you know him and I'm also positive that he won't leave even if I chased him out with a broom," she said. I turned around as quickly as I could. _

_Severus was looking rather uncomfortable in our kitchen. Mother hopped up and immediately began to offer him a drink and even though he told her he wasn't thirsty, she bustled about awkwardly and made him a drink anyway. When she handed it to him, she grabbed Petunia by the arm and swept her out of the kitchen. I wanted Tuney to stay. I didn't want to be alone with Severus especially after he threatened me. I didn't dare tell Mum about that but Tuney knows. I guess she didn't figure he'd try anything in our kitchen and now that I look back on it, even if he was angry he probably wouldn't have. _

"_So…" he began. I hadn't seen him out of his school robes in so long he looked funny. He was wearing a pair of trousers that showed off about two inches of his ankles. He wasn't wearing any socks either. The suspenders he wore to keep his obviously-made-for-some-one-short-and-stout trousers up didn't help the image either. I would've laughed if it hadn't of been for the fact that he was still sporting a black eye though it had faded. I wonder why he didn't make it disappear. If he couldn't I'm sure his Mum could. _

"_So…" I repeated back at him slowly. "What do you want?" I tried to keep the edge out of my voice but I was tired, hell I still am, and it didn't work. I could see him flinch slightly. _

"_I just want to make peace," he replied. Even though I didn't offer him a seat at the table, he took one anyway. He wouldn't look me straight in the eye and began fiddling with the teaspoon in his glass of iced tea. "How are things?"_

"_Things? You mean the fact that I'm about to push a basket ball out of a soda straw? Oh they're just dandy." _

"_Listen, I'm sorry okay?"_

"_No you aren't," I crossed my arms over my swollen breast and did my best to hide the fact that I have a double chin. "You just want reassurance that Sirius Black won't come after you again."_

"_That's not it at all!" he slammed his hand down hard on the wooden table top, causing me to jump slightly, not much. Like I said Hazel, I'm sure you understand, I cannot move quickly. "I'm genuinely sorry for what I said to you. I just want to make things right." _

_I didn't know what to say. I believed him though I didn't want to believe him. I'm so tired I have no choice but to trust any one. I can go back to my old cynical self when this baby is born. It's like my brain is in zombie mode, I guess. It's quite disturbing actually. _

"_This isn't your fault," he said after a moment. "I don't suppose it's mine either, not really. I've been thinking a lot, though, lately. About you…and about…" he swallowed what seemed to be a large lump in his throat. "Her, the baby. I trust your judgment. If I were you, I wouldn't marry me either." _

"_I have a feeling you aren't going to give up the Dark Arts. I know you'd choose that over me because you have already." _

"_No, I haven't. I just can't give it up. It's not simple."_

"_It takes will power and bravery." I retorted. _

"_Things that I don't have." _

_As sappy as it was, I couldn't help but cry a little. It was like moving away from home, some where far, some where my friends wouldn't think I was worth the distance. However, he seemed to taking this a lot easier than I was. I let go in an instant, I just wonder if he did too. _

"_Lets not talk about it, okay? I just want to cherish the precious moments I do have with you before it all changes again," I sniffled. He merely nodded in agreement. "Did you really tell your mum? About the baby I mean?" _

"_Yeah," he said. _

"_Does she still want to pursue legal action against me?" _

"_No," he said. A slight blush crept across his face. "She didn't actually want to in the first place. She told me I should sign the adoption papers. Actually, she's the reason I'm here now. She wants to know what your birthing plans are." _

"_I was planning on going to the hospital. That way the adoptive parents can be there too." Severus shook his head slowly. "Why?"_

"_Her sister is a midwife," he said. "She just wanted to know if you'd allow her sister to deliver the baby." _

_  
"Is that what you want?" I raised an eyebrow at him. _

"_It's not my choice. I'd sort of like to be there but I understand if you don't want me to be." _

"_Severus, tell me what you want. I don't care about what I want because I could care less. You're apart of this too, I'm not the only one giving up a baby." _

"_It doesn't matter." _

"_Severus." _

"_Fine," he looked annoyed. "Then yes, I would prefer it if you had a traditional magical birth rather than going to a muggle facility where everything is so cold and impersonal."_

"_Then write your auntie an owl and tell her that I'm ready to pop any day now," I said. Severus' eyes widened with amazement and I'm sure horror. I don't think he expected me to say yes to his idea. But Hazel, I want him to be there too. I want him to know what kind of gift he's giving because I don't think he'll understand the full extent of it unless he is there. Maybe he'll change his mind when he sees the happiness and nurturing nature of this couple. He'll see not all muggles are like his father. _

_Anyway, I must leave you with that. _

_Love you Hazel,_

_Lily Evans. _

_P.S. I hope you don't mind but I let Severus read you. He thinks it would be a wonderful idea to give you up along with the baby. I'm still not sure if I could do that to you, Hazel. We'll see. _

_Hazel,_

_I'm fat. Everything is awful. I want to die. I want this stupid thing out of me, NOW. Thank Heavens I've got Severus here to lie to me and tell me how pretty I look or I might just slit my wrists right now. _

_Go bugger yourself,_

_The Fat Cow! _

_Dearest Baby,_

_I am quite fond of you even though you are gone. I'm sure you're happy with your family, happier than you could be with me, your birth mother, and I'm sure you make them so very happy. I just wanted you to know the story of how you came to be and so I'm giving you this diary. This is the very last time I will write in it. I also wanted you to know a few things more as well._

_I miss you, terribly. It has been exactly four weeks since you were born and it feels like some one has ripped my heart out of my chest. I cry almost constantly, over you. I didn't even get to hold you when I was born. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do but I know it was the right thing to do. If I had chosen to keep you, which trust me, I almost backed out of it; I know you would've made me very happy too. _

_Though the circumstances of how you came to be weren't exactly perfect, you made my life seem like it was worth living, like I'd done some good in the world. You are with out a doubt perfect. Perfect to me and perfect to your parents. You are a miracle. God made you for a reason, I just want you to know that. I also wanted you to know that I do not regret giving you up, no matter how sad I am about it. You were totally worth the ride. _

_Hopefully, some day your parents will let you read this. Someday you'll be a beautiful young lady. Some day you will do some good in the world as I have done just by creating you. _

_I love you my sweet angel. Don't ever doubt that. _

_Love,_

_Your birthmother, Lily Evans. _

_To My Daughter: _

_I will never forget the way you felt squirming in my arms after my aunt, a midwife, had delivered you into this world. As your mother wrote before me: you are perfect. It was an enlightening experience to see you in the flesh. You weren't real to me until the moment I heard you screaming your lungs out in my aunt's arm. _

_I was the one who handed you over to the adoptive parents. It was no easy task. It took all of my willpower not to just take off with you and keep you all to myself. I did what needed to be done. _

_If your parents ever reveal the identity of your birthparents to you, please keep in mind that I will never turn you away. Hopefully you'll be a witch as your mother is and as I am a wizard. Your adoptive parents don't know but they will soon enough I suppose. _

_What I hope for the most is that you look just like your birthmother. I'm not the best looking lad around. I did notice that you had my eyes, though. I'm pretty sure the rest of you is your mother purely. Apparently my genes aren't as dominate as my mother would like to think they are. _

_I wish you the best in all of your endeavors. _

_Your Birthfather, _

_Severus Snape. _

Liz was crying freely now. It was as though she could feel all of Lily's pain. The last two entries were the perfect ending to that chapter of Lily's life. Hazel, the diary, was only half full. Liz just wished Lily would have kept writing if only to satisfy Liz' curiosity about how the rest of her life turned out to be. How she ended up with James Potter. If she was ecstatic when she found out she was pregnant for a second time. Most of all, she wondered if Lily ever saw her daughter again and who the identity of her daughter was.

Harry was still fast asleep and Liz quietly dried her tears with her arm and flipped through the blank pages, hoping to find something. She didn't think she actually would but on the very last page, there was foreign handwriting that didn't belong to Lily or Severus. Liz squinted, her heart thumping in her chest. The handwriting was oddly familiar. It was dated two years after the last entry Severus had wrote.

_Lily, _

_I appreciate the thought and Hazel is a wonderful gift but I'm afraid we cannot accept it. It's not that we want to withhold your identity from our daughter but we thought it best that she think she was ours naturally. It seems odd and a tid bit cruel but my husband I discussed it. We agreed to a closed adoption because we thought it would be best for all of us and so far it has been. _

_Of course, we were shocked to find out that you are a witch though it does explain a few things about Elizabeth. When she was twenty- one months old, I tried to brush her hair with my brush so I could make it pretty. It was odd, I over looked it, but my hair brush shattered into splinters. My husband thought I was gripping it too hard but I was hardly holding on to it because I was trying to keep a hold on Elizabeth. Besides that, it was a family heirloom. It was sturdy and it seemed improbable that I would be able to grip it too hard and cause it to break like it did. _

_It's not all bad. We're actually thrilled but after talking to your mum a bit, we realize we sort of have to keep Elizabeth's gift a bit of a secret. I look forward to sending her to Hogwarts when she turns eleven years old. I've contacted the school for information. I'm sure I'll miss her though. It won't be easy for me to do so since we both love Elizabeth so much. _

_I couldn't ever thank you enough for giving us our beautiful daughter, Lily. It was the best thing that you could ever do for us and I'm so glad you chose us to be the parents. You answered our prayers, Lily. I love you so dearly for that. _

_This diary is yours, however, really the only thing left of Elizabeth that you have. I cannot accept it. Perhaps some day we will tell Elizabeth about you but now isn't the time. If we do, I will tell her everything I know about you. If she wants to contact you then I guess I'd have no choice but to let her. It's not that I want to keep you from her Lily, please don't think that. I know it hasn't been easy on you. I can't imagine the pain of giving up such a sweet child like Elizabeth is and I'm only scared that this will hurt the both of you more than it will help. Now just isn't the time so please don't take this personally. Like I said before, if Elizabeth feels the need to contact you when she's older, I will let her. Perhaps then would be the time to give Hazel to her, personally. For now, Hazel is yours, my angel. Please accept her back. I think you need her more than Elizabeth does at this point in time. _

_Love Always, _

_Corinne Stroud _

Liz blinked slowly, re-reading the last entry, trying to let it all sink in. It was as though it were a dream; Liz could hardly believe it. The Corinne Stroud that wrote to Lily all of those years ago was not Liz's mother. The Elizabeth that the Corinne Stroud who'd written to Lily about was not Liz her self. There was just no possible way.

Liz's mind tried to scramble through the possibility that they were the same two people. That Liz was the baby that Lily had written to in her last entry in the diary. It didn't seem real. If it were so, then that meant Liz was the daughter of the famous Lily Potter, that she was the daughter of the notoriously strict Severus Snape and that she was the half sister of the Boy-Who-Lived. That meant she was the sister of the man sleeping in bed next to her.

The thought made Liz want to vomit.

Liz scrambled out of bed as quietly as she could muster. Her legs were carrying her though she wasn't sure what was controlling them because her mind was else where. She found herself in the office, amidst all the boxes. She frantically searched through them, trying to find a clue, a hint. The clue wasn't inside the box. It was inside a desk drawer, where Liz knew Harry kept a ripped up photograph of Lily. Liz snatched it and ran to the bathroom, staring at the picture and then at herself in the mirror, trying to find the resemblance. They had the same mouth, the same nose and the same round face shape.

_Stop it, _Liz thought to herself. _You're only finding similarities where there are none because you're trying to. You are not Harry's sister._

But it was unmistakable. Really the only difference between the two of them was their eyes and their hair color. But even Liz's hair held the same sort of body Lily's did. It wasn't exactly unruly, but thick. It stood out. Liz loathed her hair because it was too thick and though she wanted to cut it short, it wouldn't stay that way for very long. It was a right nuisance in the summer time.

Liz felt suddenly betrayed. She was close with her mother; her mother would never lie to her so why didn't she tell Liz about this? More so, Liz felt betrayed by her own emotions. She was willing to accept this way too easily. Every thing matched up; the dates, the names…

An odd thought struck Liz. If it were true and Professor Snape knew about this then how come he never said anything to her? How come she couldn't see it before? They had the same eyes. The same small, dark eyes that seemed to never rest. She wondered if Professor Snape even knew who she was.

What good did it do? Liz sat down on the tile floor. She was too numb to cry. Both Lily and Professor Snape were dead. It's not like she could ask them personally about this mess. So what good did it do to worry over this? Harry, that's what good it did.

How would she tell him about this? She knew she had to now. A sharp feeling of dull realization shot through Liz, making her feel slightly dizzy. If she was Harry's sister then that meant the way they were living now was, well, illegal. It was then that Liz did begin to cry.

She didn't feel like she was Harry's sister. She didn't feel like she was that baby that Lily had written to and about. She certainly didn't feel like she was Professor Snape's daughter. She was Elizabeth Stroud. She'd grown up in an ordinary home with ordinary parents. She was ordinary. Until now.

The story told in the diary touched Liz. She'd always felt an overwhelming sense of closeness to Harry's mother though she was dead. It made sense now. No wonder she and Harry got along so well. No wonder she couldn't stop reading the diary. It was part of her. It was as though everything fell into place in perfect order at the perfect time. The one time Harry did not deny her information was the time Liz found something out about herself. The truth was ugly. Liz wish she'd never read the diary. She wished it would just go away. Liz just wanted life to be normal again. Some how she knew it couldn't be. She would tell Harry later on. But first she had to talk to her mother, to confirm the awful truth. It had to be done. She couldn't keep this a secret.


	3. Portrait Perfect Smile

**_I'd like to take the time to respond to a couple of reviews, one in particular but those of you who have reviewed have my love as well. _**

**_To the reviewer called Marcus: I'm not a huge fan of fluff so you don't have to worry about that in this story especially. And trust me, I'm sort of a canon freak so it's obvious how Sev and Lily came out in the end. Alot of people are under the impression that babies bring people together and in a lot of cases it does but an unplanned unwanted pregnancy can also drive people apart. Lily still marries James obviously, thusly Harry being born haha. But anyway, I respect my reviewers opinions and will take suggestions for things such as grammatical structure, story structure and all of that but as far as plot goes, that stays what I want it to stay. I won't make two characters do something just because some one told me to unless I'm having some sort of dilema and then it's a trusted friend but really the ulitmate decsion is mine. _**

**_Also, I am definitely NOT romanticizing incest in any way, you're one hundred percent on that one. I've always been a fan of taboo, but incest is...well...gross and is wrong. The thing with that though is I am sort of sympathetic towards people in incestuous relationships.A lot incest cases (A good majority but not all) are between a half brother and half sister who've grown up separately with out knowing each other and meet one day. Separation anxiety can make people do strange things and some times people feeling this overwhelming love misconstrue those feelings for sexual attraction. It's not right but you know, people can't help how they feel. It really isn't their fault that they're unable to separate family love and romantic love. Eventually, however, they should learn to and try to understand why exactly they feel that way. If that makes any sense at all. I did alot of research for this story and watched a few documentaries. That's the conclusion I came to any way. _**

**_Anyway, Marcus, thanks for reviewing. I value your input and enjoyed reading your thoughtful reviews. Keep em coming ;).  
_**

**Chapter 3: Portrait Perfect Smile. **

The next morning when Liz woke up, Harry was gone. She was planning on telling him first thing in the morning, over coffee, but he'd gone off to work again for at least half a day before he returned to Godric's Hollow. Liz was half way grateful. It would give her time to go see her mother, to confirm it so after she showered and had more than her fair share of coffee, she got dressed and took off towards her parents' house with Hazel tucked under her arm, hidden away from sight and the world.

Of course, Corinne was delighted by the surprise visit from her daughter but Liz doubted she picked up on her feelings. The stiff hug Liz gave Corinne felt different from the ones she gave her before. The wooden kisses Liz gave her mother were different. Everything was different. Liz hated it.

Corinne did notice at how tired Liz looked and didn't fail to comment on it. So, another pot of coffee was made and they sat in the living room, exchanging small talk until Corinne noticed the lavender diary that Liz had made sure to keep half way out of sight. But Corinne was as sharp as a tack.

"What's that, Love?" Corinne asked as she pointed at the diary. Liz shrugged, not sure what to say or how to even begin.

"You know, I told you Harry was left the property that his parents once lived on. His Mum had this tucked away. He brought it home and I decided to read it and I found out some very interesting things about Lily Evans."

Liz watched for her mother's reaction but got none. Corinne merely held out her hand, asking silently to examine the diary. Liz handed it over and watched as Corinne flipped through it, expressionless.

"Interesting," Corinne said as she snapped it shut. "I never thought I'd see this again." Corinne handed it back to Liz. Liz merely placed it on the coffee table in front of them.

"So it's true," Liz asked quietly. "It's true that I was adopted."

"Yes, Elizabeth, it's true." Liz wasn't sure how her mother reacted. She figured Corinne would be emotional and might even try to deny it. But the only emotion Corinne was displaying was a thoughtful one.

"How come you never told me?"

"We were," Corinne said as she took a sip of coffee and tucked her legs underneath her body. "We were going to tell you when you turned eleven because we knew you'd ask why you were magical and we weren't. But we found out Lily, your birthmother, died and figured it was a closed case. And you never asked us the question we dreaded. You just accepted it."

"Just because she died and just because I never wondered doesn't mean I didn't need to know!"

Corinne sighed and sat down her coffee cup. "No, I suppose you're right. But you are our daughter none the less. We didn't care that we adopted and neither should you."

"How can you say that, Mum? How can you sit there and tell me I'm not supposed to care? Do you know who Lily Evans was?"

"She was an angel."

"She's Harry's Mum! In case you can't figure it out on your own, but I've been in a relationship with my brother all this time!"

"I didn't know, Liz. How was I supposed to know? I never talked to her after that! She was dead five years before we knew she'd passed!"

"God, what if we'd tried to get married and then found out we couldn't because of the simple fact that we're siblings? What if we'd had children? If you'd of told me all of this before hand, I would've known and this whole mess could have been prevented!"

Liz felt herself struggling to breathe. She was angry. Angry at the situation, angry at her mother for not being upset and understanding like she should have been. It was as though Corinne knew this would happen, like she expected it.

"Do you realize, Mum," Liz said as she licked her lips. "That your little folly has cost me the love of my life."

It was then that Corinne's face did drop, as though she hadn't heard Liz the first time. Liz shook her head slowly and fingered the binding of the diary. How could one little book cause so much mayhem?

"If I had known that Harry's mum was your birth mother, I would've told you a lot sooner. It didn't seem important, that's all," Corinne said.

Liz wasn't sure when she left her parent's house that day if she'd ever come back.

It was late when Liz finally did get home. She'd spent the better part of the day, walking around London and thinking. After a quick lunch, she decided to go to the Ministry and the adoption agency Lily and her parents had gone through, to go see if they couldn't give her copies of the adoption papers and perhaps a copy of her birth certificate, a document her parents would never let her have even after she turned seventeen. Liz found it odd that they wouldn't give it to her, claiming they'd lost it and when Liz told them she'd just go get another copy they insisted that she should just be patient and that they'd find it for her. Of course, they never did. It was never lost. Liz had never really needed it and now that she knew the truth, she wanted it.

Harry wasn't home when she got in. He'd been there but where he was now was beyond Liz. Liz walked silently in the kitchen and threw off her sweater. There was the faint odor of something burning in the air. On top of the stove sat a glass baking dish, one of Liz's favorites, completely ruined by the charred remains of something that had the potential at one point to be edible. Liz rolled her eyes and dumped it in the sink but did not try to clean it off. Where ever Harry was, he'd be back soon and she'd tell him everything.

Sure enough, as Liz was just about to get worried about him, she heard the front door open and close. Harry came ambling into the kitchen, his arms loaded with white take out boxes. He sat them down on the table and smiled at Liz.

"My cooking escapades always seem to end up with us eating take out, don't they?" Liz gave him a small smile in return. She couldn't help it. No matter how bleak or trying her days were, Harry knew how to make her smile. She wasn't sure he'd be able to after she told him. "This one is sweet and sour pork," Harry said as he began to lift the lids on the boxes. "An order of fried rice…those are mine. These two are yours. Lemon chicken and a side order of steamed rice."

Liz took her two dishes and thanked Harry quietly. She wasn't all that hungry but she forced herself to eat a couple of bites. Harry chatted about his day, apparently excited because he was almost done fixing up the house in Godric's Hollow. Liz listened but only halfway.

It was hard to believe that he was the Boy-Who-Lived, the one who had defeated Lord Voldemort twice. He was her brother. She loved him. But how would she tell him? How would he react? All through supper, he chatted cheerily about his day at Godric's Hollow and laughed about his failed attempt at supper. The man who smiled at her as if she were worth a million bucks, the man who knew how to make her feel beautiful was her brother. She wanted to tell him but couldn't find a chance. He kept talking and talking and would hardly let her get in a word edgewise. Liz was paranoid that he already knew which is why he wasn't letting her talk hardly. But how could he know? Perhaps she was willing him to keep talking so he wouldn't ask after her. Maybe she'd never tell him. Things would remain the same. But yet, she still knew. It was wrong not to tell him and she faced that fact later that night when they climbed into bed.

Liz rolled over with out a word and if Harry noticed that she wasn't in the best of moods, he ignored it. After he flicked his lamp off he rolled over and pressed his body into her back. A hand hovered over her thigh and it made contact at the same time that he began to kiss at her neck. It was as though she'd been hit by a bolt of lightening. Liz shot straight up and practically flew out of the bed, grabbing a pillow to cover her chest that her nightgown barely covered. The light flickered on and Liz recoiled, trying not to think about what Harry wanted to do just then. He looked confused now, confused and hurt.

"What's wrong?" Harry asked looking alarmed. "You act like I was about to…"

Liz shook her head wildly and sank to the floor, sobbing. Harry scrambled out of bed and held her as he tried to get an answer. She knew he feared the worst so she blurted out the whole horrible truth. When she was done, she was crying with relief, though Harry just stared dumbly at her.

"What do you mean you're my sister?"

"The diary, Harry! Her dad was dying, she and Snape had that falling out. She felt alone. I just didn't know how to tell you. I swear, Harry I didn't know that it was me! How could I have known? I thought at first that you were pulling an elaborate prank on me to get me back for being so snoopy but I talked to my mum and she confirmed everything!"

"You mean to tell me that my mother got pregnant four years before I was born and that you're her daughter?" Harry was breathing heavily out of his nose. He looked some what disgusted but still confused. Liz only nodded. "That doesn't make any sense! I know for a fact that my parents didn't get together until their seventh year at Hogwarts. If I'm doing the math right, that was sixth year."

"Your dad isn't my father, Harry," Liz said with a gulp. She feared this to be the worst blow. Harry stared strangely into her eyes. Liz couldn't look away. He had his mother's eyes, one of the only parts of Lily Liz hadn't inherited.

"Snape," Harry whispered.

"Snape," Liz confirmed. Harry shut his eyes tightly and looked as though he was going to vomit. For the first time since they'd met, Liz felt the sisterly urge to hug her brother.

"I wish I could at least talk to either of them," Liz said thoughtfully the next morning at breakfast. It had been a long night. They had both chosen to get back into bed but neither of them had much to say to each other. The distance that Liz once felt between them was gone. She understood their connection now, albeit a bit late in the game. "To confirm. It still feels a bit unreal, you know?"

Harry shrugged. "But it's true. What good what it do to deny it? At any rate, I know of a way that you could talk to Snape."

Liz raised a quizzical eyebrow. "No Necromancy. That's just creepy."

Harry shot her a dirty look. "You forget that he was Headmaster."

"So?"

"So, you know, portraits go up in their office once one steps down or dies."

Liz lit up, understanding fully what Harry was trying to say.

"Harry, do you think he has one?"

"I know he has one. I saw to it that it was put up."

Liz was some what touched. She knew Harry harbored a certain respect for Snape. His name had never been one hundred percent cleared, though Harry insisted that he was on the right side all along, that he'd been some what of a martyr. Harry would never explain it to anyone, hence the skepticism. Liz had always been inclined to believe him no matter what she felt. Harry hadn't ever lied to her and as it turned out, when most people thought him to be a liar (Liz included) he turned out to be telling the truth.

"I'm just not sure what it could possibly solve, Liz."

Liz thought for a moment. What would it solve? Nothing. She knew everything she needed to know. But she longed to speak with Snape. If he were to tell her it was so then maybe she'd be able to move on with her life. It was still such a big shock. If anything, Harry needed to hear it, to confirm it. He'd read the diary and looked at the adoption papers but Liz wasn't sure he fully believed it.

"Oh, Harry," Liz said as she grabbed his hand. He didn't look at her. He rather toyed with his fork. "Where do we stand?"

Harry stood suddenly.

"Let me Floo Professor McGonagall."

He fled from the kitchen, leaving Liz feeling a bit miffed. She loved him, she really did, but after all of this mess, she wasn't sure how anymore. They'd been together for so long and they clicked so well. Liz was almost sure that Harry was her soul mate despite the fact that she was four years older than him.

What confused Liz the most was how she couldn't have seen it when she read the diary. It had been so evident now that she'd thought on it.

There was just no way she and Harry could remain a couple any longer. The thought depressed her thoroughly. She'd have to start over and she wasn't sure she'd be able to love any one as much as she loved Harry. Oh, what was she going to do?

Harry returned after a few moments and Liz stood.

"Professor McGonagall says we can go see him now. I told her everything. He's not in his portrait but she's sent some one after him."

Liz didn't know what to say. Harry took her hand and led her into the living room. He grabbed a hand full of powder from the urn sitting on the mantle. Before he threw it in, he looked at her. Liz bit her lip, wanting to say a million things to him though it stuck in her throat before it could reach her tongue. Harry leaned in and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

"I love you no matter what," he said. "As a sister, a friend and once a lover. You've been there for me and I could never really show you how grateful for that I really am."

Liz blinked back a tear and nodded agreeing, confirming, understanding, she wasn't really sure which. Perhaps it was all the same.

Harry threw the powder into the fire, disappearing almost instantly into the roaring green flames as he stepped in and called out the location. Liz hesitated, not exactly sure if she wanted to do it anymore. Perhaps some questions were better left unanswered, a cliché that Liz understood fully now. But Harry was already there and Liz was obligated to follow.

In a flash she was spinning horribly but almost as soon as it started it stopped. She was now flat on her bottom in the office of Headmistress McGonagall. A bit embarrassed by her landing, Liz picked herself up off the now ashy carpet and waved her wand around, shakily trying to clean the mess up. She only succeeded in blowing the ashes around, making an even bigger mess.

"Oh do stop," Professor McGonagall said as she pushed Liz into a chair next to Harry. The Headmistress got rid of the mess with a flick of her wand. Liz looked up at Harry who was smirking at her, clearly amused. Liz had to smile back.

When McGonagall was finished, she did not take a seat behind the desk. She rather stood behind Liz and Harry.

"Severus," she trilled at a conspicuously empty portrait right next to a painting of Dumbledore sleeping. Nothing happened. "Oh, he was here just a minute ago," she huffed. "Severus, come here!"

A man sidled into the frame, looking thoroughly annoyed. Liz grabbed Harry's hand and squeezed it.

"If you've called me to brag about Gryffindor's latest victory, Minerva, then I scarcely want nor need to hear it," Snape said snidely. Liz could feel the Headmistress tensing tersely behind her.

"That's not it at all, Severus. It's these two that request your audience."

Snape's eyes fell upon the sitting couple. His eyebrows flexed together.

"Potter," he acknowledged coolly.

"Professor," Harry said in an equal tone.

The two stared at each other for a few moments. Liz was sure that she did not exist in their universe. The silence was heavy and Liz could hardly stand it. It seemed as though McGonagall felt the same way.

"It seems that upon clearing the house the Potter's were staying in at the time of their demise, these two happened across a diary. As it so happens, this diary provided sufficient evidence that these two could possibly be brother and sister." Liz was grateful that McGonagall had left out the fact that she and Harry had been living together as more than just brother and sister. It would have just made things more awkward and complicated. "They thought, Severus, perhaps you might be able to shed some light on the subject."

The silence that followed was almost as unbearable as the first. Liz could feel Snape's eyes boring down on her bent neck.

"It could be, I suppose."

"It is true, Professor?" Harry launched suddenly. "Did you and my mum…Liz…is it true?" Harry seemed to have lost his nerve halfway through.

"What you must understand Potter, is that we were both young and foolish. It wasn't supposed to happen. Your mother did what she thought best to rectify the situation. She could not foresee the two of you meeting. She did not know that you were meant to be."

Was it possible that there was a hint of paternal warmth as Snape spoke to Harry? His words rang in Liz's mind but before she could react, Harry was on his feet, pointing an angry accusing finger at the portrait.

"Of all the things that you could have left out, you had to leave this out!" Liz hadn't the slightest as to what Harry was going on about, but it was apparent that Snape did. "You could have shown me and saved us the embarrassment!"

"Had I known…" Snape started, his nostrils flaring angrily at being spoken to in such a manner.

"Save it," Harry snapped. "Don't you dare patronize me! I'm not your student anymore and I've done a lot for you! The least you could do is apologize to her!"

Liz was aware of all the portraits now gazing curiously at the scene. Snape appeared to be furious but being only a portrait, he could do nothing.

"Harry is right, Severus," a scratchy wizened voice said. Dumbledore was awake now. Snape twitched slightly, perhaps thinking he would flee, but stayed motionless.

"Elizabeth," he said finally. "I'm sorry that your mother and I gave you up. I'm sorry for all of the times I could have told you but did not. I did not think it prudent. You must realize that your life has been better than what it would have if we had decided to keep you. I am not your father more than Lily is your mother. Your parents are the ones who took you in and raised you when we could not."

Liz could not reply back. There wasn't another word that could be said. She merely nodded her head and tried not to make an even bigger scene by crying or getting upset.

"Are you happy Albus? I've made a complete fool of myself," Snape snapped.

"Or rather, you've shown us who you really are underneath all of the hurt," Dumbledore replied serenely.

* * *

**Just wanted to thank everyone for being so patient with my terribly long updates. The thing is, I've been recently diagnosed with a severe manic-depressive disorder (Bipolar Disorder) and they've been putting me on meds and taking me off meds, increasing my dosages, decreasing them and it's sort of been hell on earth with these rapid mood swings and withdrawals. In the midst of it all, I'm also planning my wedding which is a pain in the ass and a son of a bitch. I guess it will be worth it in the end.  
**


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